I have read so many sources, so many blogs. One of the most disturbing things I have had to accept is that the person I loved, unconditionally merely viewed me as an appliance. It makes me lose my breath, hurts my heart. Then it enrages me and I am disgusted. Why do I think this way when I know the answer is simply because it is who she is and she cannot change? What would provoke me to even have a thought of, OK I understand how I must be now for her? Then she would remind me of why I cannot be this, even when I attempted to. I simply cannot look at the face of T without the mask on. It is much too agonizing for me. Like Medusa I close my eyes, knowing the horror that awaits me if I open them.
how could T think of me this way? After all this time?
MALIGNNARC has been of most help out of anyone in my recovery. I would say it’s ironic that a narcissist would be the one to help me through – but this is how I get answers to questions T can never give me (or rather only half give). A few days after reading a post, I looked in my email and sears sent me this reminder:
I started laughing. Yeah T, you b*tch maybe you should schedule check-ups for your appliances, then we wouldn’t break? It’s been 6 years… I must be a damn good appliance to last so long…like… what kind would I be? Mm, so I googled what the best appliances are. The description of the grill made me lol, thinking this is how T viewed me:
Grills would be number 3 at an astounding 3.2% or 488 sold and only 16 service calls. Then again, we assemble these grills for free when we deliver them, and that’s the major problem. The grills are just elements and grates. What should go wrong? By the way, it’s time to cover your grill for the winter.
In terms of products, simpler in some ways seems better. If you are buying a French door refrigerator with a through-the-door ice maker, then we will be seeing you soon (within 5 years). The compressor works, but adding super cold ice through a refrigerator door needs to be rethought.
She did cover me in winter but I guess throughout the years I added such ah, upgrades to myself. Getting a great job, an education. a backbone. I guess she decided to go with a simpler model, it was way better. I was needing a checkup prior to expected.