Excuses for Abuses of No Contact

 

My Pack Together Again; I will Protect you

My N has come up with many ways to attempt to abuse no contact. The one that irks me the most is using “our 4 dogs”.

Right as N was about to walk out the door on discard I said “what about the dogs?”. N said i don’t know, put them in the SPCA. This came as a shock considering we called them our children.

Nevertheless I thought quick and  I could tell N was in such desperation  to leave I made T sign a note saying she turned all of the dogs over to me. I get attached and love my dogs dearly. I couldn’t imagine breaking up our pack, let alone our “family”. Was our life that horrible? I had no idea.

Now, T changed her number and refused to contact me. 4 dogs in an apartment was too much for 1 person who works. I had to move out due to complaints from the landlord (justified). Going through such despair I wasn’t able to care for all of them. Luckily after begging and crying my mother took 2 while I tried to piece my life back together. I promised them we’d all be together again.

T began to Hoover probably 1 month after the discard (things weren’t so magical after all) . When I moved out I kept a box of T’s important documents to keep my part of the deal. She initially used this. She also tried to get me to let her visit our  one chi tank. I told her no. As I was packing tank pulled out a photo of her which was pretty cute (this was before I realized how much of a narc she was- I was still being semi nice).

Eventually I tired of the bs Hoover and sent the box. About a week later I got threats to give tank to her. That it was “her dog” he loved her most. BS. She threatened to sue me, and if she didn’t win she’d win somehow. I was ready for a battle. She wasn’t taking anything else. I tried to explain it would be cruel, that he was happy and would soon be with all the others. She didn’t give a shit. She said it was the last thing I was using over T’s head. What ?!? No,  it’s the last thing you were trying to hurt me by trying to take!  Lucky, T got distracted and got money to travel so left me alone about it.

just recently I was able to reunite us all, and it was so amazing – the love and happiness. The hugs that meant never go away again. It is just us now – I am a single “mother” and they are all mine.

     I count my blessings I do not have children with my N. I can’t imagine that nightmare. However, this day in age when dogs are thought of as our children, it can be a difficult abuse of no contact.

Anyone else have similar stories or other abuses of NC? How did you deal?

7 thoughts on “Excuses for Abuses of No Contact

  1. nursekarmageddon

    I’ve recently started reading and learning about narcissism. I’m 37yo, and I never knew the signs, the red flags, the anythings of narcissism, until very recently. I was raised by a narcissistic mother, and although I’m almost 40, she continues to do damage to my personal life, continues with her narcissistic ways, and is at present, doing her absolute best to ruin my existence and my career. Reading your blog has helped me learn some of the signs, and allowed me to do some research of my own. It doesn’t help my current situation, but thank you for bringing to light the answer as to what the hell this woman’s problem is, and putting a label on it so I can begin to heal myself.

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    1. fixatedtofree

      I think all us victims can do is shed light on the disorder. I wish I had more advice for you, but she is your mother. I am still figuring out if it’s the right thing to do to continue to interact with a narcissist myself. Such a complicated situation. Until we figure out what we want to do in our hearts, the best thing we can do is educate ourselves so we know how to interact/communicate with them and expectations.. As well as lean on each other for support as we heal 🙂 don’t let her ruin your career, I refuse to let mine do that. Almost happened, just have to keep pushing. If you ever need to talk I am here and so are many others !

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      1. nursekarmageddon

        It’s the reason I started this blog. My life is a tangled web of happiness and chaos, ebbs and flows. Unfortunately, it’s a lot more complicated than meets the eye. My mother has finally found someone to believe her narcissistic lies, and her attempts at ruining my career are just about to succeed this time. It’s only taken 17 years…. We have a court case pending. If she wins- I lose everything, which is the only thing she’s ever wanted. My therapist suggested I start writing again as a form of therapy, as a way of getting my thoughts out before they eat me alive.

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      2. fixatedtofree

        Make sure you bring texts, evidence that documents her lies. Anything to show she’s a lier. like I took screen shots of a lot of stuff .. Lies about job history on LinkedIn ect. Paperwork with my dogs, txts.

        And yes, that’s why I started my blog as well. It’s also part of a bigger project for my healing that everyone will see in a few months 🙂 I hope it’ll also inspire others to write more as a form of healing. Don’t want to ruin the surprise though!

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  2. raeraereal

    Hello friend and fellow survivor.
    Be careful with things that you love. I’m thinking about these dogs. Narcissists can use your love against you. I want to warn, and say that there may be a space where the dogs are not in your world. I sincerely hope not. It is not about you. Or the dogs. It is about power and control. And there is power via the dogs. Just be careful!! You have escaped. The hardest part is done. Now reinforce the walls and battle lines, because there will be some boundary testing. Big love and awe! ❤

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    1. fixatedtofree

      Yes my narc knows this. Luckily T hasn’t made any threats since… Probably because I have all the paperwork to back it up 😉 thanks for the support and advice ❤ I'd battle to the last dime and end up in jail 😝

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