Answered By a Narcissist Himself…

HG had posted asking what questions us “victims” wanted answers to. He answered two of mine which can be found at Ask The Narcissist 

His answers, ever insightful offer some explanation. Even though we cannot make sense as “normal” people, at least it gives some perspective into knowing/understanding the mind of the narcissists which harmed us.

He published two of my questions. Here are the Clips…not going to give everything away but here is the first one:

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The Second is what I am making this post about

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The Quotes. My Narc told me, don’t think everything is about you. I did for awhile honestly haha. Why? because everything I posted was about my Narc. Everything I felt. At that point in time, before all my researching.. before understanding what was actually happening I assumed T was thinking of me. Now I know differently. I am not sure if any, at all are about me. Probably not. However I’ll share three T posted with my commentary when I read them.

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<- #1. This one made me lol. I am sure T thought it was real, but knows it never was. Maybe T tried, I say knowing probably not since its so rare. It would end the same way it always does and always will. Hey, this may be about the new source that failed that T thought was real. Who the hell knows? WTF does a Narc know about real anyway?

This next one obviously wasn’t about me.ba990f9599bd4a1fd177b822bb47a7e7

#2 -> Maybe the new/old source. I don’t see it, the new source was nothing to set eyes on or special, but I guess to each their own. Plus, its all about how much fuel the person supplies that is “attractive” really. I guess that is what is real?

#3 (below) – You did have someone who was willing to understand. However, not willing to put up with it.There is a difference. Unfortunately you don’t realize no one will accept you as a monster.37f8b80aace58e3a13775eb87c4ad8ee Shame, when you found someone who accepted you, that you could not have the courage to be different. Life could have been good, fulfilling. You’re still young, I still wish you love, real love. The kind you leave this world in peace with. That the person (or mask?) I knew was capable of having.

The good part of you, if it exist(ed)(s?).

I say to you T…                           And All the Narcs out there….

 I say to you T…    And All the Narcs out there….

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14 thoughts on “Answered By a Narcissist Himself…

  1. survivednarc

    In retrospect I can remember the narcissist ex always being a bit uncomfortable when uttering the words “I love you”… like a shirt that was too tight on him, or something… I am sorry for you and that you had to have an encounter with a narc…. I find it so hard to believe, too, that these people can use beautiful words that do not mean a thing to them…. be well.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. fixatedtofree

      mine was the opposite – she threw the I love yous out like she just learned her first words
      It’s a very strange thing, to be with someone for 6 years. When I met my narc we were 21… young. I knew something was strange when T told me she loved me after 3 weeks of talking on the phone 0.0 I would never say it back initially, just a cute “i luff you too”. We met online, she lived in FL and Myself in PA. Lots of red flags that she was controlling and super clingy. I wasn’t the best to be with either at that age…, I was alw
      ays out drinking (but it was normal for my age) and had my fun. It wasn’t until about 2 years in when we had been living together for some time that i found out she was not who she pretended to be (fashion PR/knew people/name brand this and that) but it didn’t matter to me – i was relieved and so was she (or so it seemed) when she didn’t have to pretend anymore. The lying was always an issue, the talking to exes. It gotta better over the next 4 years but every 6-8 months there would be something. I started getting paranoid, just waiting for the cheating. Yet, we had so much fun together, did everything together. Truly i thought it was forever, she was just learning to grow up… always taken care of. I always thought and questioned how she could tell every single girl she met she loved them after such a short period of time. I questioned her if she knew what love was several times…it always disturbed me. That was my biggest red flag.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. survivednarc

        I am sorry for your experience and I will wish for the most possible healing for you after all that. I will gladly follow your journey and your story on your blog. Take care! 🙂

        Like

  2. SITR Admin

    It’s a pleasure to meet you. Maybe it’s the old adage, “misery loves company” :). I, too, survived a narcissist. Kudos to you for working through yours. I don’t give them the power you seem to. My experience was, many people outside the relationship recognize their distorted sense of self, regardless they say very little at the time. You’d probably be surprised how many people do.

    What I read in this narcissist’s excerpted answers clearly demonstrates their over-bloated sense of self, as if they deem it a power when it truly is not. It’s more that we are the exception, wearing blinders, easily chosen for the reasons this narcissist so aptly describes. I think it becomes more about correcting our susceptible selves than grieving the power that we, alone, too trustingly turned over to them. Just my two cents. I’ve taken my power back.

    I hope you are getting along very well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. fixatedtofree

      I would have felt the same way if she didn’t come back and hoover all this time and show her true self. I would have just thought she was just a fucked up asshole. No, there is something only us victims can feel – its like a creepy crawly feeling. Who was the person we slept next to for years? Who we shared our lives with? When we say oh our partner is a narcissist people go yeah i get it or i met a few. No, you don’t get it and you didn’t. Cause if you did get it, you’d be wondering who around you is really who they say they are. You’d be doing background checks and spokeo. You would either overthink or easily pick out flags/lies/truths. You wouldn’t care anyway if you did find something, you’d call the person out or just let them go like nothing. Once you meet a narc, really meet and know a true narc – you know “evil” and “cruelty” exist – you see the hurt in peoples eyes when someone does something passive aggressive or mean … you don’t feel surprised like they do. You don’t sit there and contemplate their behavior because you know they are doing it because they feel like being mean because they want to be. You don’t take much shit from anyone anymore. You understand personality disorders are not just for people in asylums.

      Then Bam. The discard. Never thought she could ever be so cruel. Never thought she would ever revert back into that thing she was when i met her, but worse because i thought she had changed…worse because I don’t know who she was/is anymore. Of coarse people noticed things, that she was controlling, could be a b*tch. I remember about 2-3 weeks before the discard i was eating dinner with my dad and he said he didn’t trust her. I said i do 100%. That was honest, in my heart i did. Did anyone see the discard coming? hell no. Do they understand? hell no. Not friends, not family. They just think shes crazy or it was just a matter of time or just move on…
      haha my therapist also said i give my narc too much power. Why? because i said i hope she just finds a source and leaves me alone for good. like when she disappeared

      I am less naive for sure 🙂 healing will come i know!

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      1. SITR Admin

        Wow, you stated it clearly – the hurt & utter dismay at seeing the morally-empty vessel they are; coining it as the “evil” it truly is; how it effects who we are going forward; and how other people do not get the seriousness of the disorder. You hit all the nails on the head. As much as I believed in the loving, giving person I was, I look back now and have to laugh at how easy I made his using me; how much that is, literally, a laughable accomplishment in his head, not unlike someone who chuckles at outwitting a baby or a pet.

        What haunted me most was not missing them or even losing what I thought I had invested into them … it’s disgust with myself that it took so long to get-it and, by the time I did, I was too drained to emerge with much of myself left. It’s been almost a year and those angsts have just begun to fade. Time: the great healer. It seems a common trait among victims of narcissism is that we long for the love of someone else to make life complete. I think that’s the vulnerability they spotted in us from the beginning thus their ease at premature “I love yous.” They want to snag their prey quickly. They know the bait that will do it. Where we learn to be more particular, more protective, they merely move their game on to the next victim, which they’ve usually lined-up already.

        Liked by 2 people

  3. LegalLogs

    It is ungodly exhausting, infuriating and futile to attempt to communicate effectively with a narcissist. I keep reminding myself from a movie from my childhood, WarGames: The only winning move is not to play.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. fixatedtofree

      .
      you are correct haha. I have learned that.

      I believe my Narc is the victim/lesser type. Alot of self esteem issues. Alot of child issues. Seems like her 28 year old self has reverted back to a teen. I do not converse with T to communicate, she’s far too gone right now i know. It is more for my own general curiosity now that i know NPD exists. It’s kind of like a disturbing game I cannot stop playing… or you know when siri first came out and you ask a question and wait for the answer like hehe i wonder what shes gonna say and sometimes its outrageous, makes no sense or simple. I’ll get bored of playing with siri when I realize its not a real human and the answers just aren’t funny anymore.

      Or maybe if she returns to some reality before then, i will be a friend to her. After all, i have protected her all these years.

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      1. SITR Admin

        I can’t see your own healing happening as long as you keep the “if she returns to some reality” door open. We all want to believe they could come to some satisfying regret in losing us, in the goodness we offered. If they return it will be for one thing and only one thing: to secure themselves just like they did before. You’ve everything to lose and nothing to gain by even contemplating that. Wait for someone who wants to be/can be an equal partner in your protection of them.

        Liked by 1 person

    2. Vita Forest

      Absolutely! Do not engage – there is no point in arguing or explaining to a narc, it is just exhausting. I read a good quote about how it’s the people around them, not the narcissists themselves who need treatment. But then I guess why would the narcissist seek out treatment? They are perfect after all…

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  4. themagicalwish

    Oh my Goodness! This is extremely melancholic. But all i can say to you is healing a wound requires it to be left open. Some wounds can’t be healed by bandaging them. All they require is a little air, a bit of carefulness and a tint of distraction. And you’re through.
    Wait for the right person. And trust me, she will come along. Because had she not left your life, you wouldn’t know that there is going to be someone else worthy of your pain 🙂 stay strong!

    Like

  5. Pingback: Pinterest Meme Pins .. Narc Vs survivor 😜 – Fixated To Free

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