Narcissists Isolate for Control, Repairing Destroyed Relationships

So, I charged my old iphone 4 because I was going to sell it on ebay (lol, trying to buy some equipment… i’ll share in the future!) and saw this conversation that inspired this post. 

One by one, my narcissist isolated me from my friends. Friends I’ve had since childhood.Good, caring people. Somehow, T would always find a reason not to like one of my friends. If I asked her to come with me to hang out with my friends, she refused because of “something about them”. Then, because I wouldn’t hang out with them for years because she wouldn’t want to – she would tell me they aren’t my friends because I haven’t. Any new friends i’d have, she’d find a reason eventually. Somehow my friends are such good friends that they have forgiven me.

I think its important to look at friendships when we meet new people. If a person doesn’t have ANY long term, close friendships, chances are they aren’t a good friend and would not make a good partner.

I want to share the most traumatic isolation event my Narcissist caused over 2 years ago that still haunts me to this day.

This is Megan and I. She was one of my best friends, and close friend all of my life. 

Despite not seeing her for a few years because of T, she asked me to be in her wedding because we had been so close since 2nd grade. At first I ignored the text Megan sent asking me…. I really wanted to say yes, it would be an honor … but I knew T wouldn’t be happy. Megan texted me again a few weeks later and I thought she was asking if i was going to go in general, so I said yes but quickly realized Megan thought this meant yes to being a bridesmaid. I told Tien and although she didn’t like it, she was letting me.

Then she changed her mind about letting me, the night I was going to try on the bridesmaid dress.

  • Megan never did anything

  • She hates my friends – but i didn’t hate any of hers
  • She tried manipulate me into thinking Megan was using me as backup
  • She tried to say i didn’t tell her i was going, when i did
  • She tried to tell me that Megan and I were acquaintances, when we’ve known each other since 2nd grade

I didn’t have the fight in me to go against it. It was the most devastating, hurtful thing I had to do to a friend. Go back on my word, ruin her wedding party because she had been counting on me. I was going to let someone who I cared very much about down about the biggest day of her life.  And I did it, destroying all those years of friendship and isolated myself from all friends because I felt like it was the only way to punish myself for what I did to Megan. 

My parents ended up attending her wedding, its sad I was not there and is something i can never take back.

I am so sorry, again my dear friend

What is so amazing is that Megan forgave me and was there for me after I was discarded. We always used to ride horses together (I owned a few and we would ride at farm close by)…we’ve gone a few times since. I forgot how much I enjoyed it. I plan to make a post about riding shortly, because it is so therapeutic. It is all about trusting, freedom, bonding.

riding

me -> my sister -> jenny -> megan -> my mom

While my friends are not capable of understanding the abuse and why I have difficulty moving on, they are forgiving and just want me back to who I was. I found myself starting to isolate from them because of this. That is why I have reached out to all of you for the support and understanding, it is exactly what I need. I also feel the need to give back, to do something good and be a part of something good.

 I feel pieces of myself returning slowly and I must be patient with the process. 

14 thoughts on “Narcissists Isolate for Control, Repairing Destroyed Relationships

  1. Vita Forest

    So glad you made it out of there and that you are reconnecting with good people. Narcissists just suck the life and joy out of everything. Been there too! It’s wonderful to be free again.

    Like

  2. ericstone51

    I would classify the person I got sucked in with as a psychopath. Maybe a narcissist with psychopathic tendencies? I have no idea, I’m not a psychiatrist. The movie Nightcrawler with Jake Gyllenhaal kinds describes my tormentor. Good luck. I get what you’re going through. Sounds like you’ve got a good friend on your side. Important.

    Like

  3. Eclectra

    This is exactly what abusers do. You said it so well. And real friends will always forgive you and take you back. They love you. Thanks for sharing your writing.

    Like

      1. Eclectra

        I trusted no one for many years. I was so damaged. But I have finally come to a good place. Now I am wary of people (a good thing). And I take time before I trust. I am remarried to a wonderful man. There are times, though, when I slip back into that fearful creature. She wilk always be with me…inside.

        Like

  4. Candlelitereader

    Be kind to yourself. I am four years post divorce, and ten years post from the realization that there was something seriously wrong with my partner. It gets better and better until “that life” is so foreign to you, you hardly recognize it or the person that you were while living it. There will be moments you will wonder how you could have been so naive and trusting. Learn about “trauma bond” one nice gesture or word from my ex narc of a hub still “softens’ me. sadly I still have to deal with him for 4 more years because of our son.

    Like

    1. fixatedtofree

      Yes, i am going to post about a recent “nice gesture” that almost got me. Luckily I have friends that rein me in, no matter how real they are with their words – they’re right. It has only been 5 months, I know i am still weak but my blog and everyone on here makes me stronger 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    2. kreddible

      Wow. I know that trauma bond… it is so true. I’m currently being “punished” by my ex (silent treatment/pretending I’m a stranger) because I allowed myself to be soft and sucked in again. Our daughter is 4. This is going to be a long 14 years…. keep strong x

      Like

      1. Candlelitereader

        They will keep trying until they get another source. I dated a narcissistic politician that still occasionally contacts me trying to suck me back into his crazy three years later! No response and no contact is your best defense!

        Like

  5. Candlelitereader

    Also I find the further away I get from “that life” the less tolerance I have for ANYTHING resembling narcissism. I cut that or anyone in my life out pretty quick if they pull shenanigans with me. I don’t regret it either. Life is to short to spend with people that don’t cherish you for the human you are.

    Like

  6. readmyphotos

    Great article. And it’s SO cool you posted all those pictures! The narc bully is probably reading your blog and seeing your happy photographs! Good work. Keep on keeping on. Stay strong!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s