So, I charged my old iphone 4 because I was going to sell it on ebay (lol, trying to buy some equipment… i’ll share in the future!) and saw this conversation that inspired this post.
One by one, my narcissist isolated me from my friends. Friends I’ve had since childhood.Good, caring people. Somehow, T would always find a reason not to like one of my friends. If I asked her to come with me to hang out with my friends, she refused because of “something about them”. Then, because I wouldn’t hang out with them for years because she wouldn’t want to – she would tell me they aren’t my friends because I haven’t. Any new friends i’d have, she’d find a reason eventually. Somehow my friends are such good friends that they have forgiven me.
I think its important to look at friendships when we meet new people. If a person doesn’t have ANY long term, close friendships, chances are they aren’t a good friend and would not make a good partner.
I want to share the most traumatic isolation event my Narcissist caused over 2 years ago that still haunts me to this day.
This is Megan and I. She was one of my best friends, and close friend all of my life.
Despite not seeing her for a few years because of T, she asked me to be in her wedding because we had been so close since 2nd grade. At first I ignored the text Megan sent asking me…. I really wanted to say yes, it would be an honor … but I knew T wouldn’t be happy. Megan texted me again a few weeks later and I thought she was asking if i was going to go in general, so I said yes but quickly realized Megan thought this meant yes to being a bridesmaid. I told Tien and although she didn’t like it, she was letting me.
Then she changed her mind about letting me, the night I was going to try on the bridesmaid dress.
Megan never did anything
- She hates my friends – but i didn’t hate any of hers
- She tried manipulate me into thinking Megan was using me as backup
- She tried to say i didn’t tell her i was going, when i did
She tried to tell me that Megan and I were acquaintances, when we’ve known each other since 2nd grade
I didn’t have the fight in me to go against it. It was the most devastating, hurtful thing I had to do to a friend. Go back on my word, ruin her wedding party because she had been counting on me. I was going to let someone who I cared very much about down about the biggest day of her life. And I did it, destroying all those years of friendship and isolated myself from all friends because I felt like it was the only way to punish myself for what I did to Megan.
My parents ended up attending her wedding, its sad I was not there and is something i can never take back.
I am so sorry, again my dear friend
What is so amazing is that Megan forgave me and was there for me after I was discarded. We always used to ride horses together (I owned a few and we would ride at farm close by)…we’ve gone a few times since. I forgot how much I enjoyed it. I plan to make a post about riding shortly, because it is so therapeutic. It is all about trusting, freedom, bonding.
me -> my sister -> jenny -> megan -> my mom
While my friends are not capable of understanding the abuse and why I have difficulty moving on, they are forgiving and just want me back to who I was. I found myself starting to isolate from them because of this. That is why I have reached out to all of you for the support and understanding, it is exactly what I need. I also feel the need to give back, to do something good and be a part of something good.