I can sometimes feel it. Sometimes starting in my throat, sometimes my stomach, sometimes my temples – almost like brain freeze. My mouth opens- the shape of horror and disbelief. my body has this prickly feeling…My eyes widen and bolt back and forth. My voice I can’t find it at first, when I do it comes all at once and quickly. Too quick for anyone to understand what is going on or what I am saying. Confused by my reaction. What did you say ?
You said no one would want me.
You said I am crazy.
You said you told me something or I did something that I didn’t do.
I think you’re doing something suspicious. You’re trying to take a piece of me, or something of mine.
You told me I’m overreacting.
You told me be positive, you told me how to heal. You said I’m obsessing
I know you love me, they all say they do. This is love .. So you abuse me
I know you didn’t mean it. But in those moments you triggered the panic. I didn’t know who you were. You narcissist. Now I’ll be more careful around you, if I don’t cut you from my life. you’re everywhere.
Then I realize it’s the trauma. You’re you. Right ? A sigh of relief, but I am watching you. I can’t trust you. I’m sorry.