if I looked up, in your eyes

Would you look back into mine ?
Would you see the fear through my lies ?
And wonder why and to want to know ?
Why I hide these ghosts ?
would you feel the hurt i feel inside?
would you look into my mind ?
Take the time to read between the lines ?
All the while I lead you to wander with my words. To places that aren’t really mine.
But I know in time you’ll discover it.
So afraid you’ll run away if you see how dark it is in the deepest places, ripping all the weeds I’ve raised as walls
stare with horror at the ugly scars across a heart that never mended,
just glued the pieces and pretended
Everyday I’m stuck repenting and In a moment you could take the years
of deals I’ve made with the devil to give me just another day…another day ..
of Promising god if he saves me from hell that I’ll “find my way”. breaking down begging please give me better days, lead me to love that never goes away.
And I wonder…
Would you face the shame of my weakest days ? Would you stay ?
would you tell me I’m loved everyday ?
would you kiss me goodnight and hold me tight through nightmares I cannot wake and sleepless nights, when nothings going right and it’s easier to walk away but promise me there will never be that day, you won’t abandon me for a sin because your the angel that was sent from heaven for me to breathe again, or did you just come only to steal my breathe away ?
Wound you want me, am I enough to be the one you dream of if I am not perfect but just a girl with a broken heart who needs a lighter start filled with words of encouragement and endearment and would you sacrifice your time to heal me Into who I can be show me compassion and that I’m worthy ?
I don’t blame you for leaving, it’s disgusting that’s why I buried it deep within me .. but breathe a sigh of relief and think “finally” as I stare bright eyed into you .. a fight to be brave enough to make a connection that says I’m ready to do this if you’re ready to do this, will you be the one who saves me tonight
? But my eyes look down so you don’t see the clouds that Roll and glaze over my soul rotting my feelings slowly as I laugh sheepishly, echoes of my past forever haunting me and I can’t seem to shake the safe feeling in this slow suicide, death is less painless. I know no different never had a love worth gaining.

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