So, I failed my New Years resolutions like I do every year. I forgive myself, lol.
It’s no surprise honestly when I am horrible at developing habits and staying motivated. HOW do people do it! really, it’s something to admire.
So my questions for you and all of us ..
1. what some tips/tricks for staying motivated and plowing into new habits ?
2. If you set some halfway through the year resolutions what would they be?!
Would you look back into mine ?
Would you see the fear through my lies ?
And wonder why and to want to know ?
Why I hide these ghosts ?
would you feel the hurt i feel inside?
would you look into my mind ?
Take the time to read between the lines ?
All the while I lead you to wander with my words. To places that aren’t really mine.
But I know in time you’ll discover it.
So afraid you’ll run away if you see how dark it is in the deepest places, ripping all the weeds I’ve raised as walls
stare with horror at the ugly scars across a heart that never mended,
just glued the pieces and pretended
Everyday I’m stuck repenting and In a moment you could take the years
of deals I’ve made with the devil to give me just another day…another day ..
of Promising god if he saves me from hell that I’ll “find my way”. breaking down begging please give me better days, lead me to love that never goes away.
And I wonder…
Would you face the shame of my weakest days ? Would you stay ?
would you tell me I’m loved everyday ?
would you kiss me goodnight and hold me tight through nightmares I cannot wake and sleepless nights, when nothings going right and it’s easier to walk away but promise me there will never be that day, you won’t abandon me for a sin because your the angel that was sent from heaven for me to breathe again, or did you just come only to steal my breathe away ?
Wound you want me, am I enough to be the one you dream of if I am not perfect but just a girl with a broken heart who needs a lighter start filled with words of encouragement and endearment and would you sacrifice your time to heal me Into who I can be show me compassion and that I’m worthy ?
I don’t blame you for leaving, it’s disgusting that’s why I buried it deep within me .. but breath a sigh of relief and think “finally” as I stare bright eyed into you .. a fight to be brave enough to make a connection that says I’m ready to do this if you’re ready to do this, will you be the one who saves me tonight? But my eyes look down so you don’t see the clouds that Roll and glaze over my sou rotting my feelings slowly as I laugh sheepishly, echoes of my past forever haunting me.
(Press Start Game)
It’s just for the night
Jim beam got me feeling alright
lucky, I wanna get fucked tonight
Cause the Sound of your laugh
Got my spirit light
So pour me another.
And I’m yours- just
Let me feel the burn, need the pain
need to feel the passion in this flame
tell me it’s only a game, i’ll pour this love
down the drain in the morning on the way Out the door, this was just a getaway
summer love is too hot for me these days
Days turn to months and that’s too much
For a heart your gonna break
But I’m warm in your fire, you turn it up
Push the limits, what can I take?
Don’t know Where boundaries go
My, how quick the beast escapes ..
…calm easy breeze feeling free finally
I can just be me for a moment
physically, inhibitions jumping bodies
must have Lost my mind in yours eyes
feel the breathe of your lips
Skin on my finger tips
pour me just one more
I wanna feel it burn
Down the drain
slow, I need the pain
don’t know why
I love to lose this way
It’s always ends just the same
Waited for a whisper,”baby, just stay” .
choices are in words we never say
Guess you didn’t want it enough
We both know It would just be best
If I Left the way I came.
a few day later ..
what was your name ? …
Cause Memories of you fade
There’s no more tokens
when you end it , It’s game over
So I’m Shifting all my focus
to a Toy who wants to play
And I smile like the Devil
cause it’s the same shit, different day.
kick the dust, batter up
Hey gorgeous, what’s your name ?
No longer true
Not because word is not relevant but True is nature
Words lack truth
Words don’t mean the same
when words lack ( love ) emotion. That force that causes us to fall that is not gravity but works by human nature … (mysterious) we don’t care what eachother are saying.
We have no words to convey This. we cannot even be individual persons. words become meaningless save for holding into language like a computer error screaming entangled inescapable mess.
intuition. 👌🏻 -> must be logical answe. Can’t see it tho.. Higher consciousness.
woah. Broke free. stuck on words. Equality. Then free education ? lol, standard !
Words words words. Word salad. word meanings .. word definitions. meaning.
change it. Make it logical – stop. logical ? Yep. Little uncomfortable but let’s Try it out.
definitions. Limitations. In thought – not emotion. emotions blocked, stuck. can’t get outside. predictable. unmoving.
See it ? higher consciousness to define it. believe it.
cause it’s true.
Inside ? Am I weird ? Different ?
Thoughts ? crazy ?
paranoid ? OCD ? screwed.
No. Blocked, stressed.
Predictable – predict thoughts of narc
emotion? Limited ? Implication ..
thoughts are predictable. Words even